I am not denying at any level that changing is hard, and difficult, and that it implies a huge amount of effort and dedication, but by choosing Nick Tasler’s article I am pursuing my tenacious and stubborn conviction that human beings are much more prone to adaptation that what we may think.

Yes, there is a cultural narrative that support the biased evaluations of change, as Psychologists Ed O’Brien and Nadav Klein at the University of Chicago show in their recent experiments about the tipping point of perceiving change, but maybe it’s time to reconsider it. Some of the main aspects of the Tasler’s article below.

That awful and scary feeling that we all suffer in silence and we can't get rid of.

Regrets suck.

We regret in the present an action (or more properly an in-action) that happened in the past, and our inability to change it drags us downward to a spiral of guilt and self punishment. But I am coming here to say that regret is too, a useful and necessary emotion, and so defends Dan Pink in his new book The Power of Regret.

How so?

Because if we take a close look at our biggest regrets, we can figure out the things that matter most to us: "Regrets are lessons not yet learned. A lesson we need to internalize and put into action."

Why do we regret?

Because we fucking care. And that's a good thing as they provide meaning. If we stop seeing regret as an ever-present threat, but rather as a helpful reminder of what matters, it can be an opportunity to improve our life.

It’s impossible to avoid regret, Pink says. In fact, he argues,

How many of us fall into the delusion of convincing ourselves that, after the next deadline, when I finish that paper, once I have settled down in my new job (or after quitting my job), once that's over and sorted out, I will finally get myself to do what I came here to do, which is take the necessary steps towards what I believe will lead me to a good and meaningful life?

I see that every day in almost every single one of the people I coach.

It feels like we need to prepare the scene for that big life change to happen, for that new habit to be embraced, and for that mindset to be able to grow. We should be ready... but we are never ready.

That mental trick is self-defection, which just postpones that desired change and creates more and more frustration. Yes, my dear, "striving toward sanity never works. You have to operate from sanity instead."

As Richie Norton clearly states in his book Anti-Time Management, the recipe is

Resolutions are fuelled by the appealing idea of the "New Me". The illusion (or delusion) of getting rid of those things/ situations/ habits which I am not proud of, that bother me, that stop me from being who I want to become.

But resolutions are problematic. The majority of us make them, and the vast majority fail. Besides the empiric proof that we concurrently backslide, we keep committing to them.

Because the idea of the new me is extremely seductive.

Looks like timing is important. Research shows us that resolutions are at its maximum success potential at turning points —moments that feel like a new beginning; a new week, a new day, new year. Those moments that feel like a new opportunity, a fresh start, push us to change our behavior because we are spread with a sense of optimism: "we take a rosier view of the future and tend to belittle uncertainty".

But optimism isn't always constructive. If we’re too positive, we condemn ourselves to failure: "we overestimate our abilities, underestimate the time and effort

Mark Manson, Author, Thinker and Life Enthusiast, as he defines himself in his popular blog: markmanson.net, is the writer of the best seller book The Subtle Art of Not giving a F*ck (2017) and he has just released Everything is F*cked. A book about Hope (Spring 2019). He is sharp, funny, edgy and he really knows what he is talking about when he talks about why we can't trust ourselves, and he "carefully" takes the time to explain us why. Just a selection of the fundamental ideas of his article that it’s worth reading.